My Thesis is Over

Taken after the Final Defense

Yeah. At last! My thesis is done and fortunately I was able to get through that very intense final defense and I still can't believe that I now earned another degree, that I am now, Andrew S. Zerrudo RN, MAN.

I've been targeting April as my defense date however my study is not that easy and it requires almost two months just to work on the data I gathered. I was told that my tentative date for defense would be May 28, 2014 and that was Thursday but when that was said to me I am still not prepared. My documents are still hanging and I haven't produced my copies yet however luckily, it was moved after a week.

2 days before my defense date when I decided to dropped by to school and it is a good timing as the dean secretary asked me to go to the chairman of the panel to give him the copy of my thesis as she can't afford to do it due to medical issues. I hurriedly went there, I traveled an hour away from the school and luckily, the professor still accepts it though there are some lectures given to me (if you know what I mean).

June 5, 2014, Thursday at 2:00 in the afternoon came in, it is my defense date. I was there 30 minutes earlier though I came from work and as I approached the room, my heart keeps on pounding... I keep on saying that I am ready for that defense and I am pretty confident that I'll pass it but there is this feeling that makes me tense, a feeling like you are thirsty every single moment.

One of the panel, my college dean arrived and followed by my adviser asking me how am I feeling and I just said..

"I can't explain how I exactly I am feeling right now"

and they entertain me with their professional experiences afterwards, I know they are doing this to make me stay calm.

and then, I was called to enter the room and set up the tools for my presentation and they're all so serious inside and before I said that I am ready, I drank a glass of water first... but still, the feeling of thirst still there.

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On a Long Vacation...

Nasugbu, Batangas last May 2011

I have written on my previous blog I Filed my Resignation that my last day in the office would be April 28, 2014 hence I am still in the company up until now. 

It is not that I retracted my resignation but the effectivity of my resignation has been requested to be extended after my boss talked to me. It has been a long and very mind-bugging-talk. It is two weeks after when my boss talked to me if I am still pursuing my resignation and yeah! It does not sounds good to me when he asked that but during the talk I certainly realize that he is now offering me few things that will make me stay and I always answer back by saying "I'll think of it" and it is my answer whenever he tried to convince me and to tell you honestly, I still cannot decide. there are times when I am decided to retract my resignation because my friends are convincing me and I am starting to love the job again but 

"Tell me, what makes you think of not staying?" my boss asked

"It is always hard to please this company, remember when my one day leave request has been denied? It makes me stop and think to pursue my resignation. I know that I have the eligibility to have that leave granted but then, they declined it and so why shall I stay to a company who does not recognize my worth?" I told him

"Our manager is offering you a long leave of absences.. one week, two weeks it depends on you. We wanted you to think and unwind. I know that you might be just stressed. Just come back whenever you are ready an if you didn't come back then it only means you resign" he says

"I was asking for a vacation for my birthday before and they decline it without looking on my reasons and eligibilities and now they are offering me this vacation... I am so speechless" I told him sarcastically. I am lucky enough to have a supervisor like him where you can talk to him as casual as this.

"I definitely understand how you feel" his empathetic words plus he sight all my good deeds "But it won't hurt for you to take it, just think and rest. I know it'll help" he convinced me.

and so I took it. It started my vacation last Sunday, May 11 and yet I still don't know the date when I'll be back at work or if I am going back. I am now spending my time to rest, have a peace of mind, spend more quality time at home and work on my thesis as well. 

I hope that a sign will come up soon that'll make me decide. I know that my heart is telling me not to leave as it'll miss the friends I have build in this institution for the past two years however my mind is telling me to go as I need to stop torturing myself. Hence, I need mutual decision from these two. #Ambivalent

Is this a Sign??

I just found this on gthe wall of one of my facebook friends. I know that this is not proven true however I just decided to try.

As the direction has said: the first three words you'll see mean something in your 2014.

I was so happy with the first three words I found and so I wanted to share that in here lol

MONEY. It is the first word I've seen and I have been praying for that for so long and so I am having my faith in this quiz haha

INTELLIGENCE was the second word I have found and I know that I need this especially in these coming days as I need wisdom and I have to critically think of all my decisions

and what makes me happier with the result is when I found

LOVE. and that what makes me happy. I will find love and it makes me want to believe in this quiz.

Haha.. XOXO

The AWKWARDNESS After I Rendered My Resignation

It is a day before my rest day when I submitted this piece of paper to my boss telling that I wanted to leave in 30 days and it is then followed by 4 days of rest days. During those days that I am out of office I have received a lot of message what came up to me to make those decisions and in fact one of my friend talked to me about it and gave me some piece of advice if I have to go or not to and the ambivalence occurs after but then, the rest days are gone and it's now back at work but I am still decided about pursuing that decision.

I was not late this time. I came in early but I am not that excited unlike before and as I came in a lot of friends in the office came in and trying to confirm if what they've heard is correct or I am just giving them a good joke for the April's fools day. But I said I am serious and I have the papers ready and signed.

thanks for the photo willtravellife

Yes it is! because I am still doing my job patiently, perfectly and with quality. I am about to leave but I found myself doing my best with my last few days.

Yes it is awkward as I am working with my best and true friends who are one of the reason why it makes me so hard to leave but I just cannot hold on.

Yes it is very awkward because there is my boss and we are not even talking and looking at each other. I feel ashamed. there is this one time that I have to talk to him because I need to be absent on a certain date but it takes a lot of try for me to approach him and when I do there is a beat in my heart and I feel so kind talking to him wherein I used to be very casual.

it is now not comfortable to move after I rendered my resignation because I know that if I do too much it'll be harder for me to say goodbye if I can only hold on I tell myself. However, my performance continuously soaring (not bragging) and I decided that before I leave I wanted to leave them in a right way that I left them with good scores and not with problems.

as of today, I am still decided to go. I think that is still the right decision.

Yo' Shawty! It's my Birthday!!

forgive me with my selfies IG: drew_slut06

April 3 was actually my Birthday and it's not that exciting like my previous ones as my petition of a one (1) week vacation leave was denied and as they say it is because of my previous week leaves as well and that it is becoming a habit and they never granted it though it is  for my special day and so I am being sadder as the day is coming and this is actually what triggers me to render my resignation.

My shift that day is at 12 am and so if I'll come to office it'll be my birthday. I dressed so well that night and have my smile on my face as I started the shift but nobody seems to know. NOBODY in the office is even GREETING ME!! even my boss who has my profile! I am even telling them "Are you free later for breakfast???" or "Let's drink!!" but they used to snob me I just thought that they might surprise me with something but there are only few who greeted me and they're not even part of my team. Damn, I am starting to sulk. and so the shift ends we all walked home together and still they don't have any plans. Until one of them checked their FB and found out

"Oh My God! Drew!! Happy Birthday!!" she said and they all greeted me but the thing is they really don't know that it is my Birthday. I don't know if I'll feel happy or still feel sulk that time. I know that I am so emotional because I am supposed to be somewhere and now my friends doesn't know it is my special day. 

Anyway, they all pay back the shift after but as I said. "It's not my Birthday na! It's already April 4" haha and there are some gifts and kiss and hugs etc plus the food prepared by my sister for me I can say that it is still a happy birthday. 

I may not have a perfect birthday this year unlike last year wherein I celebrated it in BORACAY huhu but I am still thankful that I was given another year to live and notice real people who treasures me as well. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me and to all who is celebrating their BIRTHDAYS as well

Thanks for the Cakes and Photo hotelberna