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Friday, March 7, 2014

When I got Insecure

photo from karyoberbrunner
I was once the most remarkable part of our team. I am always being commended for my potential and my fast abilities to step up because of my capabilities and I am not just making stories here or just trying to praise myself but it is true and I just want you to know the entire thing as I started this story.

There is this once instance that due to those flowery words I expected that I'll be selected to one of those employees candidate for promotion and due to some mistake I did I got disqualified and because of that I got demotivated and takes some moments for me to cope up and regain myself again. Our team has been consistent on being a top performer and of course there are lot of potentials and I can feel that there is at least a sense of competition in each one of us especially when our leader set up a bit of friendly competition in each of us for the most improved and top performer for the month of February.

I was the most improved last December and was the Top performer last January and my performance is being consistent and I am pretty sure that I'm gonna make it this time and will have that reward from the boss.  

But when the day the boss announced it. I heard the name of the winner
I wasn't expecting and it is not me obviously and it is not the name of the one I am expecting to have that award as it has been the name of a person in our team who is less tenured than us.

The boss relayed the reason why he has been selected and that is because this person met all the criteria though it is not that high he is able to meet all of those and unlike us we just focus on the most important parts and yeah! he has a point on it but hell yeah! it should've been relayed to us before the competition begins.

my being competitive type of person brings me down plus my expectations and so as the fact that I used to coach this person as he is a year less tenured than me however he was able to win against his superiors. I started to believe that day that there is a favoritism.

"Are you okay?" one of my friend asks me when we are heading home
"yeah! why???" I acted as if I am "About what ba?"
"About the result of the game" she asked "Are you bitter"
"No. I am not!" I said quickly "A bit!" I take back "Yes! I am!" I honestly told her
"Maybe because I was so overconfident that'll be me... people are telling me it'll be me. I am actually thinking that there is a favoritism here but of course I have to accept what is the decision. But I am okay. I just got insecure a bit"

That was actually the first time that I admit that I am bitter and that I am insecure, I used to be able to handle my emotion in a not-so-obvious way however I just can't help it but tell them how I am feeling and it helps.

In the other side of the story. The fault is on me as well. I was so overconfident and I expected that I am gonna win though the game isn't over. I am not mad at that kid and I am actually proud of him as there is a fast and big improvement on him and I am still congratulating him and at the end of the day another good lesson is learned.

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