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Sunday, June 8, 2014

My Thesis is Over

Taken after the Final Defense
Yeah. At last! My thesis is done and fortunately I was able to get through that very intense final defense and I still can't believe that I now earned another degree, that I am now, Andrew S. Zerrudo RN, MAN.

I've been targeting April as my defense date however my study is not that easy and it requires almost two months just to work on the data I gathered. I was told that my tentative date for defense would be May 28, 2014 and that was Thursday but when that was said to me I am still not prepared. My documents are still hanging and I haven't produced my copies yet however luckily, it was moved after a week.

2 days before my defense date when I decided to dropped by to school and it is a good timing as the dean secretary asked me to go to the chairman of the panel to give him the copy of my thesis as she can't afford to do it due to medical issues. I hurriedly went there, I traveled an hour away from the school and luckily, the professor still accepts it though there are some lectures given to me (if you know what I mean).

June 5, 2014, Thursday at 2:00 in the afternoon came in, it is my defense date. I was there 30 minutes earlier though I came from work and as I approached the room, my heart keeps on pounding... I keep on saying that I am ready for that defense and I am pretty confident that I'll pass it but there is this feeling that makes me tense, a feeling like you are thirsty every single moment.

One of the panel, my college dean arrived and followed by my adviser asking me how am I feeling and I just said..

"I can't explain how I exactly I am feeling right now"

and they entertain me with their professional experiences afterwards, I know they are doing this to make me stay calm.

and then, I was called to enter the room and set up the tools for my presentation and they're all so serious inside and before I said that I am ready, I drank a glass of water first... but still, the feeling of thirst still there.

The dean of the graduate school initiate the program telling everybody that I was able to pass the first few parts of the thesis and that I am here to have my final defense and as she calls out my name, I started my presentation.

The presentation last only about 20-30 minutes and the panels are just listening to every details of what I am saying and I am thinking that it could be a sign that I won't be having a hard time convincing them for giving me a passing remarks.

My not-so-thick thesis haha
But I became too confident then, they started talking after giving all their critics and emphasizing all the flaws of my thesis. I still can remember how much time we spent for every chapter due to all of their comments for areas of improvements and there is this time that I am thinking that I will fail it as it seems like they wanted me to conduct the study again and this time on a very detailed form particularly on my questionnaire.

We (my adviser and I) were asked to stay outside first as the panel has to deliberate whether they'll pass me or not and so we did. As I sat on the waiting area... I started to tell my adviser all my sentiments 

"I think I am not gonna pass. It seems like they wanted me to change everything on my paper" I told her

"I've been there. You'll make it through" She encourages me

after 10 minutes we are then asked to go back and this time we just sat and listen to the verdict. They're so serious this time and I am now expecting that I did not make it.

The chairman of the panels relayed their verdict after I sat..

"How are you feeling Mr. Zerrudo? Feeling better?" He asks

"Honestly, I feel pressured and tensed" I just said

but he never replied. I am assuming that he'll tell me that I don't have to because I passed but he didn't.

4 copies for 4 panels
"We have all deliberated your status for this defense but first I would like to commend you for a good presentation. I must say that you have an excellent pronunciation and diction that makes us easy to understand the thought of your study but..." now here's the but "We all believed that there's a lot of improvements on your study and it is needed to be done to make everything right as this is not juts an undergraduate thesis" and with those words I am trying to accept that I did not make it "But we unanimously agreed that there are some ways that we can do without repeating the whole process. So we would like to tell you. Congratulations because you passed your final defense and we are happy to call you Professor Andrew S. Zerrudo RN, MAN" and they all clap

and my reaction is like I hang my mouth for few seconds and I breathe deep. Every moment is like a slow-motion to me as I still can't believe it, until I was there being take a picture with the panels and exchanging hands with them and as I stepped out, the secretary of the dean is happily congratulating me as well.

I suddenly remembered the moment when I passed the board exam and of course I was happy when I found it. But, I think I was happier this time because I know that this has been my dream since I am college and I worked for this thesis for a year and that is why I am that happy as it all worth it and in fact, the happiness I felt is still here up until now.

I am so thankful that God still giving me what I deserved. I know that I have encountered a lot of problems in my life, problems in my family, finances, career but he still giving me reasons to hold on because just like this thesis though there are lots of difficulties I've been to just to have it done and though the flaws still there, I still passed and it will give me another degree for all the hard works. I know that someday my other challenges will soon be resolved as well and after resolving that it'll give me rewards in the end as well. Stay positive.

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