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Monday, February 14, 2011

The Last Time I fell in Love

Guys, someone wrote me a letter and it was sent thru my email. The letter is all about his first love and he wanted to share how their story goes. The sender requested me not to show his name and I don’t think I have any reasons why not allow him too.

I felt the intensity of Valentine’s Day. Thus, I decided to put this story as my blog entry for this hearts day. And believe me, though this story was unusual, you’ll surely feel what trouble with love is.

For you to feel the sentiments of the sender (as what I always advised) please click the sought music for it and then, enjoy!

It’s now hearts day again, but I’m not celebrating it with someone special… Well, we can all celebrates it; hearts day were not only intended for lovers, Hearts day is for those who felt love in their hearts and it may pertain to our loved ones; love for our friends, our mothers, family etc.. Is it a lame excuse of us singles? Haha

Honestly, I’ve been single ever since. I really do not know what’s the matter with me, maybe I’m ugly or conceited that others are not so used to like me, but I do not care with those realities parse, I’m so happy being single… I’ll never gain anything if I will never be happy being single, right?

“You are still single but I never even heard a story about your love life” a friend suddenly asked me “I never recall that you said you are in love” she added

Then I started to reminisce; when was the last time I fell in love?

I recall the day when I finally found out that I’m being in love to this someone

I met a guy named Mark when I was in first year high school. Whenever I saw him down the corridor he usually shouts at me I love you _(My name)_! Maybe he is bullying me because of my gender but I just never seemed to mind whenever he does that thing. He’s been doing it for almost a week when he suddenly stopped, and I got curious what comes up to him ending up bullying me? Until one time he approached me and tell me that his sorry.

I started thinking of him since that day asking myself certain questions: Why did he stopped? What comes on his mind? Did someone stopped him? Did he realized he’s wrong? Did he really mean he loves me? Oh, that would be a fantasy.

I remember the way he says his sorry to me and it looks like he really mean it; I can see it in his eyes.

I started to trace his facial features; he has thick eyebrows that compliments his good eyes, he has a nice bridged nose and he has the most beautiful smile and suddenly, my heart beats fast, my face gets warm while my hands got colder and I get so excited of seeing him the day after.

I tried not to even think of him. Because I know that what I’m feeling is not right, we are both males biologically and I know that my feelings won’t achieve anything and I might get hurt someday but fate challenged me, he’s trying to get close to me by then and the more I try to escape from him is the more I’m developing the feelings.

One day, we had this Disco Promenade ball on school and all high school students are required to attend. My friends tried to set us up; they wanted Mark to dance with me but what breaks my heart is when he’s in front of me and noticed that I’m the one he’ll dance with, he turned around and went off. My friends tried to approach him what’s wrong and he just said

“He is still a man, and men are not for men…” he said and he’s right “I respect him, so don’t waste it by setting me up to him”

I really wanted to cry that moment but I don’t want Mark to see me crying. I don’t want to give him a hint that I love him. So I tried to let him see that I’ll be enjoying the night after what happened.

He seems to be so cold after the incident. He never says hi whenever he saw me unlike before. And it really breaks my heart.

Someone told me that the best way to relieve this emotions is to reveal everything to him, so I decided to tell it all to him.

It was our last day in school when I approached someone to give him my letter of confessions. And with that letter, I revealed my every feeling to him. and I’m prepared to face up the consequences of my confessions

I was about to go to the restroom when I saw him standing there. He looks at me when he saw me and so I approached him as if I don’t know anything until he gives me back the letter and tell me again his “Sorry” with a sad look on his face “I can’t repay the attention that you are giving” and after saying it, he walked away

That was the saddest moment of my life, it’s not that because I’ve been dumb but maybe the way he ended it all to me. I might accept it more if he say’s “I appreciate your feelings, but we cant be together” rather than his sorry’s. His sorry seemed to be my end of the world. and his sorry is the most painful words i ever heard from him,

I transferred school the next year and escaping from him is one of the reasons why I transferred and his last sorry is the last day that I saw him.

It’s been 10 years from now since I had my heart broken and I never had the same emotion from that 10 years. Well, I admit that I’m having crushes but I never pay the same feelings to anyone.

Lately, I’ve come to realized that my emotion for mark was just a crush or maybe an infatuation but I wonder; if it’s infatuation then why does my heart suffer the most painful thing that ever happened to me?

I never really know why does my heart stops beating for someone again, after it beats for Mark. I believed that I get over to him and having someone lets your heart beats might serves as an inspiration because I admit the fact that the man I will love will never be mine constantly.

Mark is the most unforgettable person of my life, he let my heart beat for the first time and yet when I saw his friend request on facebook, he let it beats again :)

(Partially Edited; esp. the structure :)

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