BURNOUT!

Photo from the page WiseGeek

It has been such a big relief when I left my first job and actually I really allotted ample time just to rest in an unemployed status: I really do enjoyed staying at home, will wake up whenever I wanted, will go to  school and have fun after, play with my kids, watch all the  movies I wanted and surf the net as much as I can and at the right time when the time I feel that I am so bored and I wanted to work, I started to search for a job that I wanted and during the interview I prayed that (1) If this job is for me then please let me pass the interview and Voila! God is quick enough to answer my prayers.

I never stay too long to my first company and I prayed again that (2) if this job is really for me, somebody from the industry will call me for an interview and then in just a day, my company now called and same as my sign #1. I passed and I said damn! This is really something for me. And I did well during the training and in fact (3) I have been awarded as the most outstanding trainee of our cluster, Another sign I bet and that is maybe why I easily hit the production.

I really been doing good ever since: Never came in late, always excited and motivated just to go to work, having pretty nice feedback with my works etc but I think what is happening before is the opposite of what is happening to me now.

Few months ago I suddenly felt that I am getting tired and I am avoiding works and plus the fact that my friends are resigning one by one I suddenly felt disinterest with what I am doing and that maybe I am just doing it for the money’s sake.

I filed a vacation leave for almost 5 days just to relax and rest. So I spent my time to be just at home and partying out with my friends too and upon returning to work I really did not have any excitement at all, I actually wanted to go home and just sleep the whole day.

Our comprehensive examination came in and I am really so stressed. I have been working and studying for it at the same time and that is why during the exam, my answers are 50% unsure luckily, I passed and actually I even prayed for it (4) that if I passed, then I have to stay with my current employer, I need funds for my thesis.

Because of the stress, lack of interest of going to work I became sick and was not able to come to work for 7 days. But as I came in, still I don’t have the hunger on being on track again. I’ve been late (not just by minutes but by hours) and my performance is going down, my metrics were so horrifying compared to my previous ones and I easily get irritated.

The only thing that makes me alive is whenever I am with my friends partying and unfortunately that rarely happens because of our schedule differences thus, I have been so gloomy especially during Tuesdays and Wednesdays wherein I am just all by myself, it is my bosses off and my co-departments off too. Sigh.

Just last Saturday, since I passed the comprehensive examination – Thesis will be on our way and upon disclosing all the fees I really told myself that (5) I really cannot leave my job I will be needing a lot of funds to support my study, but still I am still lazy to woke up and go to work.

I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been so burnout!! But God gave me all the reasons why I have to stay but still my mind is opposing it. I really don’t know why after receiving all the signs that I need I am still like this. I need some motivation, well I already have (My thesis) but what am I still like this?