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Monday, October 31, 2011

The Disadvantage of Competitiveness

It is now back to school, well actually the official date to go back to school was last October 22, 2011 but I decided to come into class a week after and the reason? First day of class focuses on class officer and I am escaping from that election.. but then, destiny really love surprising me as from secretary last sem, I am now the president of the class, how ironic haha but I’m not walking against it, what’s done is done and right now, all I have to do is to be a responsible leader, I don’t want any not so nice feedbacks during my leadership, so I will be the best leader as I can be.

Well, the presidency is really not the issue I’m having right now… it just so happened that I think I was culture shocked again; there are a lot of newbies and new faces in the class, there are also new professors and to tell you honestly, I was threatened by them all. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just I felt that I soared high the last semester, but by this time, at the moment of my first day in class, the discussion was more intensified but I remained silent, I never even said a word during the class session. I feel so stupid that time.

Maybe because of the fact that I considered the word “competitiveness” as my key in each of my success, people might not think that I am being so competitive but deep inside I am taking every scene as a competition for me and losing was considered as failure… maybe because my father raced me this way, always telling me that “If they can do it, so do you… and you can do it better”

Am I too ambitious? Well, I admit that I’m one but I really don’t want that moment happen again. Imagine, the whole crowd was exchanging thoughts and our professor was impressed while I am just mute in the very corner of the classroom just because I don’t have any idea on what they’re talking.

The disadvantage of being a very competitive person is that whenever you never make it to the top of the competition it makes you feel that you are useless, that you are stupid, that you are so defeated.

Waah! Maybe I should try not to be so sensitive regarding issues like this right? I can shine in my very own moment somehow. Well, I’ll just give my best shot for this degree and I’ll try to make a big name in this field. Haha….

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